I am recovering hyper-realist delving into the intuitive flow of spontaneous abstract painting.
The confines of strict representationalism not only erased my artist's hand but perhaps silenced my visual intuition.
Then crisis hit. Beliefs, assumptions, expectations, definitions of self, God, and others shattered and suspended in a year of chaos. Life didn’t make sense anymore so neither could my new paintings - representationalism became unrelatable. In this dark night of the soul, electric confusion and disorientation within my soul spilled out involuntarily onto the canvas.
In my recent recovery, art has effortlessly held a subconscious mirror to my face, unveiling internal narratives I’m engaging with everyday. Since I cannot surrender what I refuse to accept and hold, I’ve used painting as a tool to expose such fractures and wounds, that I may release them into awareness and ultimately heal.
I have found the canvas to be the most honest mirror. My subconscious spills out and reminds me of where I’m at mentally and emotionally, whether I like it or not. The particular colors we mix, the jagged or smooth line qualities naturally releasing from our hand, the tension and balance governing the composition - our subconscious elects and channels through our hands in order to illuminate the stories of our interior life. For me, art-making process gently exposes my emotional states otherwise hidden from my awareness. Creating became less about technique, and more about mapping out my internal world.
So much hope is derived from our ability to create. We possess the powerful ability to intentionally transform dissembling devastation into a purposeful “strong beauty” of expanded self-knowing and radiant compassion that deepens our ability connect to Love. I am discovering this to be my ultimate purpose as I continue on this journey of growth.
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